I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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