Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
