apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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