So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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