He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
