Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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