dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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