she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
