You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
