We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
