Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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