i may or may not be watching the land before time
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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