so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
