In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
