is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
