I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
