If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
