The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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