I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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