I got chris browned last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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