Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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