I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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