He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
