my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
