My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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