I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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