cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
