i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize