i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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