dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
