so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
