Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
