we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
