I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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