This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
