Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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