Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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