By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
