Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't turn off my feet"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
