kristin has been a bad kristin
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
