He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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