How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
