I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
