Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
