i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
