no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
