the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
