what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
