I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
