At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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