I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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