ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
