careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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