Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
