She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
