I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
