is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
