well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
